Dear H.G.: I’m so glad we broke up!
Tonight, Facebook showed me the picture of a four-years-ex-girlfriend. Do you know this person? Why yes I do. Would you like to friend them? No, no I wouldn’t. How did the website ever connect us anyway? Facebook doesn’t show any mutual friends.
But, now that you mention it, I would kinda like to Facebook stalk her.
After we broke up, she called to yell at me. In reality, the relationship had long before wrecked on the rocky shores of Doom, and I’d finally called it. Even though she probably knew it too, she wanted a chance to be angry. So I gave it to her. She never even looked at me again. A year later, she married a dude named Neil, and they moved off to the happy land of newlyweds. Haven’t heard from her since.
What’s not to stalk? I click the link to see her profile. Ugh! Is that her picture!?! She’s hideous! Not one iota different from how I remember her, but was I really attracted to this girl? She’s listed under her maiden name. Maybe she’s one of those happy married people who abandoned facebook. Nope, she’s “In a relationship” with an hombre named Luke. All our mutual friends have been purged from her friend list, and when I scroll down far enough, I find the telltale heart: “[H.G.] went from being married to single.”
This brought me a huge moment of clarity: I could have been her Neil. We’d tossed around the “M” word, discussing how and when that could happen with me going away to school. We talked about, no joke, doing the long distance thing for a full year until she graduated. She even made a gum-wrapper impression of her ring finger and left it on my dashboard. If I’d moved forward despite the warning signs and done anything and everything for our love…well…I doubt she and I would have turned out much better than she and Neil.
But to think of all I would have missed. Had we gone through with the big M, I never would have lived at the Tree, never would have met my best friends in Provo. I never would have rappelled under a waterfall or gone bouldering or hiked Huang Shan. I wouldn’t have taken over 200 girls on dates, many of which were unforgettable. I never would have lived in China, visited the Gobi Desert, seen the Arctic, or spent an odd summer in Nebraska. I probably never would have experienced homelessness or charcoal painting the desert with my sister. This blog wouldn’t exist. Truth is, I probably wouldn’t be writing at all. Worst of all, I wouldn’t know most of you, and that alone is unimaginable.
Nothing against H.G. (and I wish her all the best), but this was a moment of intense sunlight to my soul. I’m glad we broke up! For the first time, I fully understand why breaking up was such a wonderful, incredibly happy thing. It really did take me down a path which I’m perfectly in love with. This was, by far, the better way. Hopefully in time I’ll be able to look back on all my dead relationships and say to myself, “This…this is by far the better life!”
And H.G., wherever you are, I hope you’re love with your new path too.
I’m glad you broke up, too. lol I love reading what you write.
I think my bad and even terrible relationships will help me appreciate the wonderful one I hope to have. I don’t think I’d ever take it for granted. I completely understand what you mean. I look back on my past relationships, and even crushes, and I’m so glad that they ended and that I’m not married to them. Not that they are bad people, they just aren’t right for me. That said, there is still one I terribly regret not pursuing. I had my reasons however right or wrong they were. Maybe it is possible that I just wasn’t ready. All I know is that I wish I had a chance now to really know if it could work and be something beautiful. No matter what happens, I hope he will be happy.
January 23, 2011 at 9:43 am
I hear ya, ‘creeper. (Thanks for the reference to an old post, by the way.) I’ve definitely been in the “regret terribly” spot before: http://thedalaillama.wordpress.com/2010/03/21/the-library-girl/
Of course, if you’re still in contact with Mr. Regret, then you should absolutely do something about it. You’d be silly to regret not doing something…and then still not do anything.
January 23, 2011 at 8:24 pm
Regret feels better than rejection.
January 23, 2011 at 11:41 pm
I once talked to a girl who told me she would rather never know than get shot down. Won’t even flirt. She lives by that absolutely. And then she’s angry that nobody wants to marry her. Little does she realize that great rewards come only to those who take great risks.
January 24, 2011 at 12:38 am
I’ve had this train of thought before although I’ve usually focused on how married couples rub off on each other and how as Mrs. X I might become impulsive, more passionate about sports, more politically involved, etc. I’m glad that I didn’t get my wish to date that guy in high school, to be married before I graduated, etc. because looking back, I can see how it all was for the best.
January 24, 2011 at 3:13 pm
I would much rather regret pursuing someone than regret not pursuing them. And I would much rather be someone else’s regret than their “What If Only…”
January 25, 2011 at 10:33 pm