You are Beautiful
I think women are beautiful. Not just a few of you, most of you. At very least I see the potential each of you has to unlock your own “beautiful.” I don’t feel bad about the remaining few females, because I know other guys who find them extremely attractive. It all evens out.
Imagine my shock when I learned that only 3% of American women see themselves as beautiful. More than four times as many confess to feeling significantly less-attractive than most other women. What?!? Where did they find such a collection of self-loathing mirror-crackers? But no, the study was well run, international in scope, and very consistent. Worse, asking my most beautiful friends if they felt beautiful usually revealed the same answer: no.
So tonight, you ladies get a full dose of the lLama.
Wow. Do you have any idea just how gorgeous you are? Drag your pretty face over to a mirror and take a long look. Are we seeing the same thing? I drive past you on the street while you’re out running, sweaty and red-faced, and I have an almost physical pain in my chest. “Good grief. If this is her exercising, what does she look like when she tries?” I see you in church, and I can’t focus on the hymns because I’m admiring your hair. Your eyes are like clear water, and your smile is like a warm breeze. You are so beautiful that I have a hard time breathing in your presence. If I could ever convince a girl like you to love me, I could die happy.
If I haven’t personally thought all of those things about you, I can promise ten other men have. At least ten. Keep looking in the mirror until you start to see that person.
TV and ads have implanted a false idea of “beauty” in your mind. There isn’t a standard set of features you have to meet. You don’t have to be blond, have Photoshopped skin, or get plastic surgery to become beautiful. Beautiful lives in infinite varieties and combinations in very normal people. You are the standard of beauty, because you combine attractive physical features with a unique personality and talents to match. The combination is breathtaking. I wouldn’t know what to compare it against except…you.
I’m always dismayed when girls divide out their features and explain to me what is imperfect about each one: Eyes are too big, fingers are too
long, nose is too short, etc., etc., etc.. Really? How can you possibly believe any of this? I can look in your eyes for hours and never get bored. Your nose is sensible and perfectly complements your face. And I really (really) want to hold your fingers between mine.
Furthermore, you’re built entirely in soft curves! When you walk past a Ferrari, the Ferrari is jealous. The curves in your eyes, your cheeks, your chin, your shoulders and arms, and especially your womanly parts. God designed you with every one of those curves to be beautiful and attractive. It was deliberate. Smile and accept it. It’s not vanity to call yourself beautiful; it’s gratitude for your birthright as a woman.
The secrets to being beautiful are not extraordinary. They are, in fact, perfectly ordinary: Be happy, and take care of yourself. Happiness unlocks everything good inside you and lets it radiate through your entire being. Choose to be the best kind of happy, and you will always be the best kind of beautiful. Taking care of your body will become a natural part of your happiness. Shower because it feels happy. Style your hair because that’s the natural thing to do with a head as gorgeous as yours. Live healthy because that’s the way to treat a beautiful body. If you’ve been slacking in your happiness or your physical care, get on it. Doing the work won’t make you beautiful–since you already are–it will simply unlock your beauty and allow you to see what’s already there.
You aren’t average. You aren’t just on the pretty side of average. You are beautiful. Live it and love it. If any man tries to tear you down, criticize your features, or make you feel un-beautiful, you shut him down immediately. “I am beautiful,” you’ll tell him, “And if you can’t believe that, I’m gone.” Don’t give him a second warning. Every girl deserves a companion who believes she is unbearably beautiful. Then doesn’t it make sense that every girl should start out by taking time to love herself and love her body?
I wish you could see your beauty like I do.
i love everything about this. i love positive and encouraging in the world. Beauty is what God gave us. If we can be confident that He is watching us at all times, then there’s no reason to shrink (literally or figuratively) just to please the eyes of men (or other women). Take care and be happy, like you said. Best formula for beautiful.
February 26, 2011 at 5:08 pm
First things first, I just started selling Mary Kay. Not because it makes me look beautiful, but because it makes me FEEL beautiful. Can I steal parts of this for my parties?
Second of all, Hot Mama made a most excellent point in saying that we, as women, often compare our weakest points to the strongest in others. I know that’s something I do, but I don’t see my friends doing it. (Okay, so that last part is an exaggeration, but I wanted to emphasize my point.)
Third of all, let’s discuss this comment: “If I haven’t personally thought all of those things about you, I can promise ten other men have. At least ten. ” Prove it. And family doesn’t count.
February 27, 2011 at 1:12 am
LOL… Hilarious and moving. Truly you have a gift with words, and a gift in the way you see the human soul.
Please keep writing.
February 27, 2011 at 1:13 am
Nate, great job. My female friends need to hear this. Not meaning to get too sentimental on you here, but I happened to be listening to a song that goes along rather nicely with what you’re talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WnAq0o2Xl8
February 27, 2011 at 4:17 pm
I love love love this post. It is so thoroughly uplifting. Thank you for sharing this in such beautiful words.
February 27, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Wow I love this. You are truly blessed for being able to see beyond. This touched me and made my Sunday awesome. Thanks for being u.
February 28, 2011 at 12:41 am
You don’t know me, but I’m a friend of Missy’s. I saw her post about your blog on FB and thought I’d check it out. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s wonderful to know that men like you are out there.
February 28, 2011 at 1:34 am
Statistically speaking, you (generic you, rather than specific you) are average. It just so happens that average is pretty darn good.
Anyway, being a man, I’ve tried some weird thought experiments in that regard. “If I were a woman, what men would I think were attractive?” It turns out that it’s not so difficult an exercise. But you have to be careful not to look for what you think other people would find attractive, but what you yourself think would be good.
The thing is, normally, I hate pictures of myself. If I’m caught with my mouth hanging open, or a picture of myself from profile catches my funny shaped nose, or whatever, I feel annoyed and self-conscious about it. My wife’s niece (13 at the time), when my wife and I were engaged, said about me, “I like him okay, but he’s not much of a looker, is he?” It sums up my feelings sometimes too.
So I tried applying that thought experiment to myself. “If I were a woman looking at me, would I find me attractive?” In trying it, I was surprised by the answer: “definitely.”
February 28, 2011 at 10:04 am
You are so sweet! Thank you for posting:). It makes me feel cute just reading it.
Yeah, we girls can be weird about the beauty thing. Even when it is illogical. Like when i have fat days. Some days ( like this Thursday) I ‘feel’ fat, (even though on my last doctor visit I was told that I was in the bottom of the weight range for my height and should be sure not to lose any weight in order to stay healthy). But I still have days where I FEEL fat. I also have days when i FEEL unattractive. Feelings aren’t always logical, but they are real.
But there are many other contributors to my wrong thinking. For example:
1- male commentary. A sensible guy friend recently said that “cankles” are a deal breaker for him. He himself is fine looking but not a 10. And yet tiny things matters to him. To hear that an insignificant feature such as ankles can override all a girl’s work to be smart or kind can undermine the idea of internal beauty for us.
2-Then of course there is the body image presented by the media. We are surrounded by women whose beauty is praised- and the pictures we see aren’t even really them! Bless Britney Spears for posting unaltered, unairbrushed pictures of her imperfect swimsuited self online in an effort to battle the epidemic of female body image (lots of other stuff she does I don’t agree with, but I was proud of her that day).
3-Also, there is our natural tendency to compare our weaknesses against others’ strengths. It’s called the natural woman. I’m supposed to put her off, but she still visits. She came for a visit just this Wed. when I read another person’s resume and felt insignificant that my internship had not been for a Senator in DC and I had never worked for Anasazi. I forgot for a moment that I’ve chosen to do many other things that made me happy, but my first impulse was to compare my lack to their abundance. This transfers to beauty too- their strongest feature compared against my weakest, forgetting all the other good we both have to offer.
I’m sure there are many other contributors, but these have all influenced me just this week, so I point them out. I haven’t mastered the remedy to all the wrong thinking I do, but I’m sure that the strength to overcome it is housed in obtaining truth about my infinite worth as a daught of God and in the atonement.
In the meantime, until I’ve mastered self-sufficiency in correct thinking about myself, it sure helps to hear/read stuff like this. Even though I knew it wasn’t directed at me individually, just reading the words filled up my bucket:). lLama, you’re great!
February 28, 2011 at 3:05 pm
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This made me feel beautiful. Thank you!
December 3, 2011 at 8:49 am
Thank you so much for this! I truly needed it today. I agree with Hot Mama – sometimes guys unwittingly bolster our unrealistic or lame ideas about body image by complaining about something like “cankles.” I heard the exact same word (not in reference to me) from a guy the other day. But THIS article bolsters my confidence in walking away from any guy who doesn’t believe I am unbearably beautiful.
And as a mother of three boys, I hope I am raising them to have the same feelings about women’s beauty that you’ve expressed in this blog.
December 11, 2011 at 9:14 am