A black belt in Creepy

Okay, so I’ve already talked about Creepy as an art form. I’ve stalked people for jokes, made fun of my friends’ creepers, and even accidentally picked up my roommate’s stalker. (Talk about awkward.) But THIS guy has a black belt in Creepy:

Wow. Let’s analyze his technique, shall we?

• Shirtless. Because everything is more creepy when you’re unclad.
• Rocking. Nothing complements nauseating affirmations of love like vertigo.
• Posting it on YouTube. Because if it was going to be creepy in private, it will be better after all of her friends have seen it too.
• Smarmy grin, as at 0:12. His delivery is impeccable, with the slightly raised eyebrow, eyelids at half-mast, one half of his face turned up, vomit covering my screen. This boy has skills.
• Demeaning pet names. Did anyone else catch that one time he called her “baby girl?”
• Cliché love volumizers. Love magically becomes better if you have as much of it as you have of a pile of sand. ‘Cause that makes sense.
• Groty hair. Shirtless made you touchable. Unwashed hair gives texture to the image.
• Homelessness. Anybody notice that he only has one shirt in the closet? That’s because he’s a squatter in an abandoned building. If you smile at him nice enough, he’ll drag you back to his lair.
• Promises to “see you tomorrow.” Because who wouldn’t want to be reminded that you’re stuck with your creeper, each day, every day, all day?

The only thing that could possibly make this creepier is if he IS Briona, and he’s making the video for himself.

Briona, you lucky dog, you’re a world-class creeper.